This past month has flown by! I honestly don’t know where it’s gone. (Well, I do, into the dark pit of illness I fell into – but more on that tomorrow.) Consequently, I haven’t done much writing again. Sigh.
I am, however, still making my way through Elondria, scene by painful scene. I’m reading through, and making notes on the changes I need to make. Some scenes are okay, others require a complete re-write. I’m having a lot of doubts about it at the moment, about whether it’s even ever going to be a coherent story. My confidence in my writing ability is not high right now.
I’ve been (what feels like) hitting my head against a brick wall the last couple of weeks trying to come up with a couple of ideas for my university writing assignments. One has to be based on a historical event, the other can be anything.
I used to have a never-ending stream of ideas, but recently I’ve been finding it harder and harder to come up with anything. I’ve been having a lot of writing anxiety.
I think part of the problem is that I haven’t been writing just for myself for a long time now. Since I made the decision to aim for publication, and started putting my writing online, and especially since starting university, my writing isn’t mine. Every time I sit down to write anything I have this constant anxiety about others’ reading it. I have caught myself thinking ‘I can’t write that because it makes me too anxious to even think about others’ reading it’. And as those with anxiety issues know, it tends to spiral.
The two writing modules I’m doing at the moment are workshop based. Meaning that I am supposed to take in a draft of my creative assignment each week and have it discussed by the class. This idea terrifies me. If I want to take my education as far I’ve dreamed of, I have to get used to this situation. I’m just not sure how right now.
So, assignments aside, I’ve decided to start drafting a new project, one that is just for me. It won’t be put online, I’m not intending to publish it in anyway. It is literally just for me. I need to get back into the habit of writing. To do that, I need to get rid of some of the anxiety I have around it.
I’m hoping this works.