Soulful Sunday – Apprehensive

dark path apprehensive

Tonight I’m feeling apprehensive. I have to do something tomorrow I don’t want to do – something I don’t believe in – something that means I’m walking on the wrong path. But things have gone too far to back out now. I can’t let the other person down. I feel it’s going to end badly, but all I can do is follow through with it, accept the consequences, and take it as a lesson learned.

The lesson is this: do not take the easy path – it is rarely the right one. Walk the difficult path, the path that means you have to say no, the path that means you feel anxious, terrible, that means you panic. Because that’s the path that will help you grow.

What else is there in life but to grow? How else do you get where you want to go?

For the first time in my life I have a concrete, definite plan for my future. I want to do everything in my power to get there. But walking the easy path won’t help me. I have to change and grow, to become something more than I am in this moment.

Years ago I made a secret wish to go to university. To study English and Creative Writing. I made that wish at a time I didn’t believe it could ever be possible. But fate conspired to get me here. Fate laid the path before me, gave me so many opportunities to step off it, back into the darkest darkness. I kept walking, kept fighting. And now I’m here. With so many opportunities before me.

I have to keep fighting. If I want my dream, I have to keep fighting.

Despite tiredness, exhaustion, pain.

If I hold my dream in my heart, perhaps next time I’ll make the brave decision.

The right decision.

~ Viki

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